Last night, the strangest thing happened. Strange as in how I remembered it. Around 2 or 3 AM, Asia started crying from a nightmare or something. J didn't wake up at all since we had a box fan going to drown out outside street noise. This is what I recall from being woken from my slumber:
Dreaming... I'm in some kind of warehouse/dorm/circus tent. I hear kids sounds, crying. I figure the employees or enemies have kids in some room far away.
I start walking towards the sound.
It's a girl.
That girl's name is Asia.
She's my daughter.
I have a daughter.
She's crying.
Bad mom is taking a long time for this all to register and go get her daughter.
I finally wake up and get Asia. She wants to come into my room to sleep next to me. I'm too tired to argue.
As I'm laying in bed with Asia snuggled between me and J, I think that for a few minutes there, I had no sense of having kids. While I was half-awake, it didn't hit me that it was my own daughter crying. There was no sense of responsibility. That was a very weird feeling. I don't think I remember having this kind of feeling since Zach was born. The feeling of not having to be responsible of someone else who couldn't take care of him or herself. Though it was only a few minutes, it just seemed so strange.
Then Asia turns in her sleep and flails her little arm around, whacking me in the face.
hey, i remember how bad you were sleeping in as a kid. you wouldn't wake up if there was a fire. it's just a remnant of your former life before kiddos. don't beat yourself up for it sis.
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